sedih melanda jiwa

aku sedih....
pertama...
tadi, kak anis bru blik penang..
dia da konvo smlm...
huhu...nanti dia da jrg mai sini...
tp, ak taw..kat penang bleh jmpa dia lg..
huhu..
im gonna miss u very much kak anis!!!!>>
tp..
aku tunggu ja...
kat tiba2 dia call...
"moon, i nk p kl...ada interview"
haha..ak nk lompat time tu jgk!!!
wakaka:P

kedua....
mgu lpas dpt result midterm...
sedih smpai speechless...
ak rasa muka ak kaler pink pa time tuh...
kalo hulk jd hjau..ak jjd pink..
huhu...
mmg la ak xbajet dpt result gemak kalo da soalan cam nk bunuh ak..
tp tkla ak bajet dpt result ca yg ak dpt nih....
sedih aaa....
even ssh...rs cam bleh buat..
ada la satu sbjek tuh..
hadui....
risau maaa....
mmg kena study tungging2 nih..isk...
bleh ka ak nih....
:(

ketiga...
pasal konvo lagi...
hari ahad
p tgk kak piah konv....
da la dia engin....
hood dia kaler maroon....
iseh...
meremang ak tgk...
nak jgk grad cam dia...
ak da angan2 da..
nanti ak grad cemana...
sapa yg mai time ak konvo...
amik gmbq kat ac..riverside..engin...
pastu nanti..
rs sayu gila time nk tgkn kulliyyah engin yg tersyg tuh...
even ak da siap pikiaq nk pkai bju maroon bunga pink sb nak matching ngn hood...
and then..konvo ngn kwn2...
and yg tersayang....
uiks....sapa la org tuh...
huhu...
tpi tetiba..
jeng3...
ak teringat result midterm ak...
waaaagggghhhhh....
time tu gak nk jatuh ayaq mata kat e0 tu...
huhu....
bleh x aa ak konvo....
hope dapat jd best student..cewaahhhh...


keempat...
np ak single lagi...huhu...
haha..
xpe...ak xkesah sgt pon..
kdg2 je gelong nk ad bf..
waaawaaaawaaaa...
single itu best....
sebabnya...
xda komitmen ngn sapa2..
n ak bleh bt apa ja yg ak nak..hehe...
means xda la org ckp mamat mn2 kapel ng ak...
haha...
ak benci org ckp pasal aku...
nak taw ap2 tanya sendiri okeh....
lgpun..kalo kpel....
bt apa pun akn teringt kat partner tu...
then...
yg plg ak xska..
kalo kpel ngn chipsmore...
sat ada, sat kg xdak dah....
suka2 ati ja ekk bila nak contact...
igt ak kayu yg xda perasaan ka ekkk...
bknnye nk brkepit 24 jam...
tp kalo da kpel..
and lost contat lbh krg seminggu....
wajarkah itu trjadi????
nonono....i hate that part!!!
hehe...alamak..terlebih suda..hoho

adakah bahagia bukan milikku...

ke kiri aku buntu
ke kanan aku sepi
simpang hidupku bercabang-cabang
tapi cabang itu penuh kebuntuan
dan kesepian
aku ketawa riang tapi
hatiku berduka
lara
mungkin aku bahagia
mungkin juga bahagia itu terlalu sukar untukku gapai
setinggi awan
tak dapat aku lihat
selaju cahaya
tak dapat aku sentuh
hanya dapat dilihat oleh mataku
aku lihat temanku bahagia
syukur ku rasa
bukan semua sepertiku
yang sentiasa sedih
mungkin aku pernh merasa bahagia
tapi
wujudnya hanya sekejapan cuma
kemudian pergi
tanpa sempat ak merasa kemanisan bahagia itu

sewel vs angau

menaip entry di pagi yg dingin....
huhu...ak br blik dr bilik paan..buat report...
huhu..tiap2 mgu camni...
isk...
actually..ak tgh pendam smething dlm hati..
tp, ak nk ckp kat org..
at least ada la gak org taw...
tp, ak cam xbleh ja nk ckp...
hmmm...ntahla....
ak slalu pikiaq byk2 kali bnda nih...
apa yg xkna kat diri aku nih...
ada la tu..
mata org yg menlai tu lain2...lain gak la first impression dia kat ak...
sapa la aku nih
hmm..ak agk merajuk nih..ak taw..ak xpatut nk rs cmni...
xde hak pon nk rs ap2...
sbenaqnya,ak rs pelik...
tp cam bhgia pon ada gak..
hm..isy..sshla nk ckp..mm2 rs ada..maybe sb da lm xda org yg agk care kat ak camtu kot...
tp...
dia tiba2 ja ada...
n ak xpnah terpk pon dia akn approach ak...
sgt2 xpnah...
dan lani ak rs cam tkt skit...
huhu...
sb ayt2 yg dia bg kat ak...
cam pelik...
ak rs xsesuai dia ckp camtu kat ak..sb ak br knai dia...
bkn ak xska..
tp ak ssh aa nk prcya..
sb ak xnk frust lg...
tp mmg ayt2 dia cam nk l
bih dr kawan..
maybe ak yg cm ala2 perasan..
haha...
mbe kat kwn2 di ayg len pn dia ckp camtu kan..mn la a k taw..
ak xtaw prngai dia cemana...
pnt ak pkiaq..
huhu
watever la...
tp, kalo dia btl2 nk go on something ngn ak...
ckpla btoi...
ak sssh aa nk phm bhs tu...
cam ckp ngn alien pon ada gak..
tp ak sgt2 enjoy ngn dia...
hai..
ntahla apa nk jd..just wait n see...
huhu...
ak ni apa..angau ka???
eeuuwwww...angau sorang2!!!!
swel kot ak rs...
adeh laa....
isk

sorry...

hi...
pnah x kita semua teringat stau bnda nih...
hmmm...
mak ak slalu pesan...
bila cakap. cakap elok2...jgn men sedap mulut je hntam...
huhu...
kita xtaw org bleh terima x ap yg kita ckp...
hmmm...
da lm da ak terigt bnda nih...
especially pas ak msuk uia....
means dr matrik la...
ak ad byk kwn..
ad yg knl mcm tu ja...
ad yg agk rapat...
ad yg sgt rapat..
huhu...
tp mulut org xleh kita duga...
mcm2 org mcm2 perangai kita akn npk...
or even yg kta xpnah taw wujudnya org camtuh...
tetba org camtuh ada dkat dgn kita..
ap kita nk bt..huu
macam haru ja...
tp bg ak...
cemana pelik pon perangai org tu,
betapa annoying gila minah tu,
or betapa sengalnya mamat tuh
smpai kita rs sgt2 bengang ngn org tuh...
kita kn try adapt dgn dia...
ni ikut ap yg mak ak pesan la..
and apa yg aku try bt..
kdg2 kita bleh adapt..kdg2 mmg rs angin gak aaa..
huhu...
tp just calm...or kalo xthn sgt pon...
tutup mata, ttp telinga...
huu
tp..
beware of our words...
kdg2 apa yg kita ckp, xsmstinya semua og bleh terima..even nk tegur utk kebaikan..
a simple sentence can make someone hurt....
huhu...
so, kwn2 kalo slma ni ak pnah ckp ap2 yg ampa sakit ati..
im sorry...
betapa ak beware pon, maybe ad yg takleh terima..kn...
huhu...
sorry....isk...

tekanan perasaan dan emosi...

well
who can predict it
a few minutes before
i feel very happy
ok, not so hapy
but just say that i m happy


and
suddenly each part of my life
becomes worst one by one
and
i dont know how to cope with it suddenly
i feel my stress level slowly increase
grrrrrr...
i cant take this feeling anymore
or in othher words
i need to undrstand and learn hw to trust
especially when someone told u
to believe in him/her
but....
its NOTHING!!!!

my birthday!!!!

26th augut 2009
my 21st birthday....
happily celebrate it...:D
thanx kat semua yg wish...
hehe....
seronok...
happy....
ramai kwn2 yg wish...
luv u guys....
thn ni dpt wish dr kwn2 baru...
means dak2 silat...
hehe...
ak xkn lupa time penghuni2 keta abg saiful nyanyi lagu"allah selamatkan kamu" kt aku...
penghuni2 keta tu adalah kak lin, miza, kak fiza, kam, and abg saiful..
sungguh..
ak sgt2 terharu...
huhu...
xsgka plak ada org yg nak nyanyi camtuh..
hehe
best!!!
then..ad yg wish kt fb, kt fs...
kak imah, kak farihah, sara, adli, afiq, jijan, kak anis, aimi, mista chike, jah,wany, kak mel, hasana, aida, natrah, kak shad....
and maybe ada lg..
thanx...
and classmate aku..
with their sentimental value of present....
ye aa..tgh berhempas pulas bt report lab..huhu
wani ngn ketas handbill ape tah..
tulis happy bithday kat blkg tuh..
haha..
so spontaneous
tiqa dgn ketas a4 garis2 yg mengandungi wasiatnya..
so classic..
haha..
and paan...
dgn roll on perfume and bekas rotan tu...
freshly from her locker..
haha...
so romantic...
wakaka...
ap2 pon, ak sgt appreciate sb depa bg time saa akhir bt report dgn stressnya..
hehe..
thanks dears!!!!
and...
my roomate...
athirah baharudin..
keje gila btul minah nih..
lkat ketas kcik2 tulis happy birthday kat softboard ak..
dgn hadiah kat tgh2 tuh...
hehe..
jiwang gak minah nih..
hehe...
ntah bila la dia lekat...
time ak p kelas kot...
hehe..
best!!!
thanks my dear!!!
hehe..
semua ni da bg ak puas ati...
even ak xda "special someone" yg wish utk ak...
huhu....
thanx friends....
and a very2 extra thanks and love for my mom
that gave birth to me at 26 august 1988
i know its very hard...
and my dad ..
that have give me his love and protection
all of this time
and for my siblings
my beloved siblings
that love and care for me for the past 20 years..
well...im 21 now..
but ur little sister is still the same like before...
u will not lose ur adik manja..haha
anyway..
thanks guys!!!
luv u all!!!

y.....

i dunno why....
last nite....
when im reading a novel....
not a love novel...
a patriotic novel....
suddenly....
i cried....
not because the patriotic feeling....
but the person in the novel died about 2 days before eid mubarak...
and he is planned to get married in the 3rd day of the eid...
tragically...
he died beacuse of an attack by a comunist.....
his mother cant accept the fact...
and then...
i cried...
but as times goes by...
im still crying...
wat da.....
isk...
and then...
i realise....
im not crying because of the story.....
it is because i suddenly remembering something...
that always make my heart cry, sad and feels like....
its gonna explode at that time....
but why i need to cry...
it doesnt want to stop..
i hate it!!!!
seriously......
it was a long time since i last cried....
especially because of that 'something'....
i felt like im aloser...
crying because of that 'something'
'something' that i damnly want to forget....
just get out of my life....
y....